Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
