Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
