A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
