How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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