u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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