You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
this beer tastes like vomit already
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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