another moral hangover. fuck.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize