You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
