I think I died a long time ago.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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