I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize