I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
