The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize