so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
