She is in my trunk
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize