if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
