i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Randomize
