no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
