i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
