I will die if light touches me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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