In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
