What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize