my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
as a side note pls kill me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
