Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
