I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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