Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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