she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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