We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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