I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
