I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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