I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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