woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
