grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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