The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
