when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
