recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
