come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize