And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
