Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
