i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
