Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
