She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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