After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
