so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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