cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
