I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
