he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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