Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
