All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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