Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
