They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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