Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
