so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Your topless pictures make me question reality
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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