mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
