why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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