well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
