i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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