You just made me feel so damn special
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
