I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
