i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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