Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
