dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
