Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
