He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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