im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
