You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
