Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
