I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
