...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I deserve this hangover.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
