i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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