glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
