You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
