I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I pour the whiskey from now on
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
