soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
