I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
